textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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