I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
