I cannot find my penis.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
