how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
