Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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