Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize