Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
