we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
