Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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