last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
