Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
