i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
