Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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