I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize