I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
