Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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