Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
