I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
