I heard we made out
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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