too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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