I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
