I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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