On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
