it hurts more in the daytime
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
