what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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