I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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