I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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