i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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