Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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