After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
