She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
