Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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