Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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