remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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