I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
