Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
