She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
