I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Found the puke drawer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
