what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
