I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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