I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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