they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
