My sheets look like a crime scene.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They took my balls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
