So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
