She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
