We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
time to smoke my breakfast
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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