I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
