i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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