Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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