is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
