how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
