I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize