I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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