I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
