Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
