she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
