Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize