Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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