Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
