so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
