i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
