I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
